“You start off with a lot of nice words. Then comes the hard part. You’re supposed to compromise, but that wasn’t for me. You’re supposed to talk things over. I just waited for things to blow over. All six of my wives had the same complaints. I got sick of it. I’m better off single.”

These words come from Harry Nichols, 71 years of age, in conversation with Wendy Lustbader. She includes this brief report among more than two hundred encounters with older people in her new book “What’s Worth Knowing.” In the pages of this small volume these elders share with the author their views of life seen from the vantage point of many years.

A geriatric social worker in Seattle, Wendy Lustbader ranks as one of the most skilled speakers I know. At a conference of the American Society on Aging, held in New Orleans during the first week of March, she talked about the people who figure in her book. Her presentation held audience members rapt and at times even moved us to tears.

However, when she recounted Harry Nichols’ words in the quotation above, “All six of my wives had the same complaints,” we all broke into laughter.  Of course, we laughed knowing that here was a man who lacks self-knowledge to a painful degree. He can say some of the right words about compromise and talking things over but he cannot put them into practice.

This failure has sentenced him to a chaotic style of living. As Wendy Lustbader describes it: “Living in wifeless freedom, Harry Nichols gradually become buried in the debris of daily living. His floors and furniture were covered with piles of tin cans and old newspapers, but he refused to accept the assistance of a county-funded housekeeper. In response to my pleas that he accept some help for the sake of his health and safety, he thundered, ‘I told you, I had enough of women messing around in my house.’”

Richard Griffin