“A meal’s not done until you have dessert.” Now that’s a rule of thumb which strikes me as thoroughly sound and worthy of adoption.
It comes from Frances Johnson, an African-American woman resident of Maryland now 101 years old. Besides her embrace of dessert, she also offers a lot of other wisdom that makes sense to me.
Her photo and that of four other centenarians appears in the current issue of Real Simple. This is not a magazine that I am normally given to reading since it’s aimed at women in search of up-market austerity and, to my mind, sometimes deserves its title.
In this instance, however, I was attracted by the opportunity to encounter brief bios of five long-lived women who are not real simple. As writer Susan Orenstein presents them, these women have lived lives marked by bold adventures and serious challenges. Their stories are well worth reading, and so are the nuggets of wisdom offered by each of them.
Frances Johnson has had a fascinating life, not without its hardships. One of the great pluses in that career was her marriage to Elijah Johnson who played in the Negro Baseball League. Known as “Buck,” he does not show up in computerized searches, suggesting that he did not achieve the fame of Satchel Paige or the other greats of this league; but we can well imagine that he was an accomplished player.
Mrs. Johnson’s advice about life ─ above and beyond the necessity of dessert ─ includes the following: “If it’s not terminal, why worry? And, if it is, you can’t do anything about it.”
Edna Anderson lives in Arizona and engages in aerobics, stretching, and weight-bearing classes. From her list of lessons about life come these two: “Volunteering gets you away from your own worries” and “There are still happy times ahead after loss.”
The oldest of the five ladies selected by the magazine, Mary Mirabito, has reached 106. This New York City native was one of 12 children born to immigrants from Sicily. Not wanting to have a large family herself, she underwent two illegal abortions. After her first husband died, at age 69 she married Tom, a family friend who had loved her for decades.
One bit of advice she offers to women seems to apply to this latter match: “Marry a man who’s more in love with you than you are with him.” And she has some theological counsel to offer: “If there’s a God, he’s one God for all of us.” After reading that she loves opera, a passion that I share, I hoped for some wisdom from the stage of the Met, but no quotes from arias made Mary’s list.
Melva Radcliffe, now 105, did not marry until she reached 68. “I was having such a good time,” says this former elementary school teacher. Travel was her main pleasure, and she ultimately visited 40 countries.
For advice she offers: “Think twice before plastic surgery ─ you might look prettier without it.” And: “Don’t go abroad and eat at a chain restaurant. Eating at a foreign place is part of the trip.”
Finally, Evelyn Yeager shares her wisdom at age 102. Known as “Tootie,” this Pennsylvanian is a longtime Phillies fan. However, she had never been to any of their games until last year when she attended one and downed a hot dog and beer.
She’s had a hard life, with many different jobs and the burdens of raising four children by herself. She attributes her survival to her ability to laugh. “I really think it is a big reason I’m doing so well,” she explains. She counsels others: “Never feel sorry for yourself.”
All of these women look remarkably well. Their smiling faces show people who have apparently coped with the challenges of long lives with grace and dignity. If our lives are written in our faces, then these ladies have strength of character.
Of the dictums shared with us by the five women, I consider the following two worth pondering the most (besides, of course, the imperative about dessert): “Never feel sorry for yourself” and “Volunteering gets you away from your own worries.”
I value them most because they point us away from an unhealthy focus on the self. This narrowing of attention proves itself the perfect formula for unhappiness. We turn to ourselves only to find dissatisfaction with our lives because they are not ideal.
Volunteering to help others has a proven record of promoting our own happiness. It often proves effective therapy for the soul, and the body too. Whatever ails us can find relief when we turn to others in need.
All of these hardy 100-year-olders have almost surely found it life-enhancing to get away from excessive concentration on themselves. At the same time, they may have found it helpful to cultivate their inner life more positively through reflection and contemplation.
I would never call this advice real simple. But it surely rates as real valuable.
Richard Griffin