Taking part in a 50th wedding celebration can sometimes rival the pleasure of being there at the wedding itself. That’s the way it was for me two days after Christmas when Kathy and Charles marked their golden anniversary.

I found it heartwarming to see these two friends still happy being together. And to witness their pleasure in their children and grandchildren added immeasurably to the mix. Toward the end of the evening, each member of these younger generations spoke with warm affection, and not a little humor, about their parents or grandparents.

As an added pleasure, I discovered old friends among the other guests. Some of them belong to a distinguished group that I like to call “what’s left of the Catholic left.” Like me, they had worked against the Vietnam War long ago. They had also struggled for church reform and had been involved in other vital issues of the 1960s and 1970s.

Our chief focus, however, was on our two friends and their celebration of so many years of marriage. Their marriage had come at the end of their college years; thus they are not yet old, at least by my gerontological standards. They enjoy the blessings of continued good health and vitality.

As with other notable family events, this anniversary celebration helped us discover more details about Kathy and Charles than we had known before. It took an event like this to reveal some facts that only family members knew.

Among the statements made in the course of this lively evening, one stands out in my memory and will remain lodged there. Toward the end of the festivities, Charles stood up and shared his views about what makes a marriage last.

For him, the most important ingredients are two: patience and kindness. If the marriage partners practice these virtues, then their union will survive the inevitable trials that come over the years.

These qualities may seem too simple to rate the high place given to them by Charles. However, relying on my own experience and observing others, I am inclined to agree with him. For all the married couples who have persevered, surely patience and kindness have played an important part in their success.

Though hardly a model of either, I attribute some of my own relative longevity in marriage to, at least, the incomplete practice of these two virtues. Of course, I credit Susan, my spouse, with the better part. Her kindness to everybody far surpasses mine and her patience with me rates high too.

Patience, the habit of waiting out irritation, seems to me largely dependent on perspective. It helps to see yourself as one who has received great gifts. For developing this vision, the lifelong credo of Rabbi Abraham Heschel can furnish inspiration: “Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy.”

Who you are and what you have is much more important than the annoyance that bothers you at any one moment. When you compare the situation that is currently irritating you with the overall gifts that you have, you can gain strength to wait patiently.

Impatience is obviously human but, left unchecked, it can eat you up. And when unleashed towards one’s partner, it can tear at a marriage. A constant habit of impatience on your part can make living with you intolerable.

We speak of the patience of Job, and he did wait out the long run. However, he complained a whole lot.  He let God know, in no patient terms, how he felt about the sufferings inflicted on him.

“I cry to you,” he complains, “and you do not answer me.” And again, he accuses God bitterly: “You have turned cruel to me.”

Of kindness, you cannot say enough. Aesop had it right, back in 550 B.C., when he wrote: “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.”

The exchange of this virtue between friends provides a solid and lasting link. A long life provides a platform for thinking back on the kindness received through the years from family members and friends. How could one ever have survived without such gifts?

When practiced between married couples, kindness continues to feed the affection that brought them together in the first place. As time goes on, kindness proves its worth in helping the relationship not only to hold but to grow deeper.

It often finds frequent expression in minor ways. For instance, even though it may seem trivial, a habit of offering one’s spouse the choicer of two desserts can show forth kindness. So can going to the movie she wants to see rather than the one you had your heart set on.

Sometimes, of course, it becomes truly trying to keep kind. That often happens if a partner falls sick with a serious illness, dementia for instance. Then, it can become especially trying to show kindness. But I have seen it done, to an extraordinary degree.