“It was beautiful; it was just right,” says my friend Olivia about the ceremony she and her family members devised for the ashes of her beloved husband Hob. He died last Thanksgiving Day at age 78, after a life marked by a sustained search for light and truth.

Olivia and her two adult children wanted to commit Hob’s ashes to the world of nature and spirit as he would have wished. They judged it appropriate to do so near the house in Vermont that Hob loved and called his “soul place.” This beautiful setting was clearly the best place for the remains of his body to be absorbed by the physical world.

Hob’family created a simple yet eloquent ceremony in two parts that gave testimony to the kind of person he was.

The first part was oriented to Hob’s and Olivia’s grandchildren, planned so they could have a role in committing their grandfather’s ashes to the earth. One of them said to Olivia: “Baba Hob (the name the grandchilden called him) has gone to heaven.” In response Olivia said their grandfather’s soul had left his body.

The children first picked flowers from the garden nearby and collected them in tribute to Hob. Then his son dug a hole that the children lined with the flowers. Everyone stood around the hole and joined in song.  Asked to choose music they liked, the children chose to sing two verses of the joyful song, “The Lord Is Good To Me.” At this time they dropped fistfuls of ashes into the hole.

In the second part, the adults carried on the rite themselves. The four of them walked to the edge of a spacious meadow adjoining the house. There a ridge borders the meadow and leads to a steep hill. On that hill at the very top is a great maple tree, 100 years old. As it so happened, that tree died the same day as Hob.

This is the focal point of the surrounding area, so the four adults knew that was the place where they wanted to be. They formed a circle. Then they took the ashes by the handful and named Hob’s people and his the impact he had on them.

“And this is for all of his students,” they said, “and this is for those whose lives he touched.” “And this is for Hob’s sense of humor and the laughter he brought to all of us.”

Of this part of the event Olivia recalls: “It was beautiful,”

Then his son Ethan announced, “I need to throw some ashes and make a big noise.” So he tossed ashes into the wind while crying out loudly in a kind of primal scream.

Olivia noticed how the lighter parts made a cloud that was like spirit.

They let her throw the last fistful. There were no words left so she let the ashes go into the wind. Addressing her companion of so many years, Olivia exulted: “Hobbie, we did it.”

On the way down the hill, Olivia recalls, “we noticed a beautiful large marble rock. We plan to bring it up to the hilltop and install it there as a memorial to Hob.”

Then, after it was all over, they went into the village for tea and croissants, another activity that felt “just right.”

Reflecting afterward, Olivia says: “The overarching point for me was that ceremony and ritual hold the tremendous intensity of times like this.” She added: “Having children take part in it was vital,”

About formulating the ritual, Olivia observes, “The land almost told us what to do.”

Such was the ceremony carried out by one family as they committed the last remains of their loved member to the world of nature and spirit. With this heartfelt rite, they paid loving tribute to a man of soul who had inspired them with love and his striving to find the deepest meaning in life. Theirs is the joy of knowing how Hob will be forever associated with his beloved land as well as with those in whose life he made a difference.

How Olivia and her family members bid final farewell to their beloved Hob was only one way of doing it, of course, but their story can serve as inspiration for the rest of us. In their depth and beauty their simple rituals give eloquent recognition to the dignity of the human spirit.

Richard Griffin