Fifty years last month, John Fitzgerald Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier were married in Newport, Rhode Island. On September 12, 1953, a reported 750 guests crowded into St. Mary’s Church for the 40-minute wedding ceremony and then traveled to Hammersmith Farm overlooking Narragansett Bay for the reception.
Society weddings, even those of some historical importance, would not normally move me to write, but this one has a connection with my family that stirs memories. My parents were among the guests at this event, largely because of my father’s longstanding friendship with the bridegroom’s father. My father’s role as a prominent newspaperman and television broadcaster may also have figured in the invitation.
I would like to have fascinating anecdotes from inside the events to share with a wide public. Unfortunately, I cannot remember ever talking with my parents about their experience in seeing a famous couple exchange marriage vows. At that time, I was living away from home in monastic seclusion and focused on higher things than splashy weddings. And events that in retrospect take on historical value are often not recognized as important at the time.
What I did learn about the event was that my mother picked out a gift for the couple that was somewhat offbeat. She chose to give them a leather-bound reader’s encyclopedia, a fine selection for a couple who already had everything. In return, she received from Jackie a graceful note that has been handed down in our family archives.
Looking at the wedding from the vantage point of 50 years later, I feel a mixture of emotions. As with all Kennedy stories, the wedding events have long since become suffused with an aura of sadness. Jack’s assassination remains a catastrophe that contains what the Latin poet Vergil called “the tears of things.” For an assassin’s bullet to have ended a life so valued by a huge world community continues to haunt me.
Inevitably, another dark cloud envelopes the happy wedding scene. Revelations about the way Jack played around, bringing women into the White House for sexual activities, for me inevitably casts a pall over the events in Rhode Island. The vows that Jack exchanged with his bride that day proved to be shallow indeed.
Looking at the wedding photos, one sees a bridegroom who seems thoroughly delighted with his choice of a bride. Jack’s infectious smile looks so genuine, it is hard to imagine him ever being unfaithful to her. They appear to be a couple too deeply in love for that to happen.
Part of the experience of growing older is to become disillusioned with some of our views of the world. If we live long enough, we discover that many of the institutions and people we have known do not deserve the trust we put in them. Ultimately, they disappoint us, sometimes to our chagrin and even our harm.
Trusting other human beings, we find, can prove hazardous. Even family members and close friends sometimes betray our confidence in them. They turn out to be only human, a term that with maturity we come to see as a mixed reality. Part of wisdom, traditionally ascribed to old people, surely includes the recognition of how flawed everything human is.
More than recognition, acceptance of this fact goes far to make us wiser. In later life, we have learned how impossible it is to reform the world. After a while, the knowledge that people will often act badly figures as a given in our expectations.
I fantasize about how Jackie Kennedy must have coped with her husband’s infidelity. Did she feel depressed in knowing that he did not reserve his sexual love for her? Or was she enough the woman of the world to accept his misbehavior and go on with her life? Beneath that charming exterior, she may have harbored a cynical view of mankind, at least the male variety.
Jack’s and Jackie’s wedding did not lead to an ideal marriage. He, at least, had a character deeply flawed in some respects that must have made married life even more difficult than it is for most other people.
My faith tradition has always armed me against an optimistic view of the world. The doctrine of original sin is one that I have never had any trouble believing, because it describes so well what we humans are like. Something is askew with the world: sons and daughters of Adam and Eve are deeply flawed.
There are times when we forget this – – as in the early, heady optimism of the Kennedy administration. But when one looks at history overall, original sin looms large. Even our efforts at achieving peace often come to naught instead of producing the transformation of the world for which we hope. The expectation that one day peace will be achieved turns out to be ultimately illusory.
Yet, the same faith tradition teaches that we are also deeply loved and that love will ultimately triumph over evil. In my book, this justifies being hopeful but not optimistic.
Richard Griffin