In a Christmas letter, a friend of many years standing has written about changes in her life. Based in one of the mountain states, this middle-aged woman (whom I will call “Lisa”) has suffered through a recent divorce that has required her to make a new start. Her husband is now living with another woman, bringing to a definitive end a marriage of more than 25 years.

Lisa speaks of “all the drastic and difficult changes of this past year” and it is not hard to imagine what she means. She has had to accept a radical transformation of her life that, at an earlier stage, she would have considered unthinkable.

Another recent event is the unexpected marriage of her daughter. In her senior year of college, this young woman has surprised her mother by deciding to elope. Though Lisa expresses some pleasure in her daughter’s marriage, it  amounts to yet another change that requires a major adjustment.

My friend has now moved to another city and has begun a new job working with adults who have developmental disabilities. Her new home offers her a marvelous view of nearby hills and mountains and her job allows her to serve people who inspire her.

From these latter, Lisa has “gotten back just as much as I have given.” Despite their disabilities these clients of hers show talents that amaze her. She feels “blessed beyond measure” to have discovered what they can do.

My friend also feels blessed by family members both nearby and in other parts of the country. “They have helped heal my pain” she says, and they “enrich my life daily.”

A poet in her spare time, Lisa is now writing more. She hopes to collect her poems into a second book. From what I have seen of her earlier poems, I would expect the new ones to be worth sharing.

In concluding her Christmas message, my correspondent prays for us, her friends, hoping “that each of you shares your love and care with friends and family and that we all help to foster the peace which passeth all understanding.”

I share parts of this letter with readers because I think it captures the spirit of New Year hope. Here is a woman for whom the past year has brought much suffering and uncertainty. She has had to accept changes that no one would have chosen freely. Surely there must have been times when she has wept in frustration at what was happening to her.

One of the hardest facts to accept must surely be her own role in the breakup of her marriage. Since almost always both sides bear some blame for the failure, one can presume that she reproaches herself for some past mistakes. If only, she thinks, I had done things differently, maybe the marriage would have survived.  

Looking toward 2004, Lisa has established her life on a new footing. With courage, she has taken on the challenges of living alone and a different job.

While accepting change, she has had the wisdom to find consolation in those family members and friends who have shared their love with her. Lisa also values the men and women for whom she works, seeing in them a creativity not normally associated with people marked by severe disabilities.

In addition, this enterprising woman continues to discover her own creativity as she crafts new poems. This kind of writing enables her to express some of her soul’s struggles and breakthroughs.

I find inspiration in Lisa’s resiliency in the face of devastating loss. She is a person who has been wounded by the unexpected blows of life but, resisting self-pity, she has resolved to move ahead in her search for peace and love. She has the courage to look toward the future hoping for God’s good gifts.

Henri Nouwen, one of my favorite gurus, once wrote in an unpublished journal: “The great temptation is to use our many obvious failures and disappointments in our lives to convince ourselves that we are really not worth being loved.” Lisa, I like to think, has received the winter grace of resisting that temptation and of daring to make a new beginning in the spirit of hope.

Richard Griffin