Ida Davidoff remembers showing up as a college freshman seventy-nine years ago. That was at Simmons College in Boston where President Henry Lefavour gave a talk to the entering students on the subject of sex. The dominant image that stays in Dr, Davidoff’s memory is “the girls that had fainted and were carried out.”
But her focus does not remain fixed on the past, however hilarious. Instead she says “I am the wave of the future.” By this she means to indicate the range of her activities. She sees clients as a therapist, gives talks, receives awards, and works on a book to be entitled Youth – a Gift of Nature, Aging – a Work of Art.
Among other enterprises, Dr. Davidoff works out with her personal trainer, takes singing lessons (recently she serenaded a friend with “Happy Birthday” sung over the telephone), and gives expression to her philosophy of life.
That philosophy features several points that fit nicely with my own. First is an acceptance of change as a condition for vibrant life. Connected with that is an acceptance of losses with a spirit of liberation freeing us to seek substitutes. And, finally, a new balance between dependence and interdependence that allows us to accept help from others while continuing to do what we can do for ourselves.
After two difficult years filled with health problems, Ida Davidoff has grown accustomed to dealing with her physical self as it misfunctions. She has developed a familiarity that allows her to speak both sternly and sympathetically.
Here’s the line she has developed for addressing this issue: “Now, Body, I hate to be so angry at you, but I have to let you know how I feel about this. From now on I forgive you.”
She also shows skill at asking herself vital questions and then answering them. “What do you do when you are feeling anxious?” asked this perceptive 96-year-old. “I try to help someone, I read big-print books to a neighbor.”
Dr. Davidoff was one of many speakers at a recent conference sponsored by the Simmons College Graduate School of Health Studies. Participants were urged in advance by Dean Harriet Tolpin to bring with them someone from a generation older or younger than theirs, as many in the audience in fact did. A show of hands revealed that members of every decade from the twenties through the nineties were present.
Dean Tolpin stated the purpose of the gathering – to promote dialogue about successful aging. And she assigned everyone this post-conference task: when you go home, “you must talk about one thing you learned with a family member or friend.”
She also termed appropriate the conference’s sponsorship by a women’s college. After all, she observed, in age-related crises “women are the primary decision-makers . . . not only for themselves but for other family members and even their friends.”
Such decisions, she stated, should be shared decisions. They should also be taken before crises actually occur.
Keynote speaker was Margery Silver, associate director of Harvard Medical School’s study of 100-year-olds. Among her slides was a photo of the oldest American currently alive, surrounded by members of her six-generation family. This Philadelphia-area woman is 118, her daughter 96, and her granddaughter 50 – perhaps an image of the way more families will be age-shaped in the future.
Dr. Silver pointed out characteristics shared by the centenarians she has studied. She herself was surprised to discover how many of them live in three-deckers, usually on the second floor with relatives on at least one of the other levels.
Many of these oldest people have a lively sense of humor, notably the person who was asked what is the greatest advantage of outliving most of your contemporaries. The answer always gets a rise from an audience: “No peer pressure.”
Contrary to popular opinion, these survivors are not isolated and alone. Their personal relationships remain strong. In general, they like to learn new things. On a scale that measures neuroticism, they score low and they deal with stress better than other people. It’s not that they are stress-free, it’s just that they know how to handle it. Their secret weapon may be their ability to adapt to changing circumstances.
Others probably did not notice another trait of centenarians that caught my attention: they avoided exposure to the sun. It confirms me in my view of sunbathing as a practice that makes one’s skin age faster.
Late in the conference I interviewed several of the graduate students present. One, Quincy Eagler, when asked what he thinks about old age, answered “I think it’s great, I think it’s kind of what you make of it. If you just kind of know now and prepare for it and change your life style, I think it’s as fun as any time in your life. It’s not something you look at negatively.”
Richard Griffin